my grandfather has alzhiemers
im currently unemployed n hate it!!!
im just so sick of life rite now. earlier i had yet another big fight with lets call them shecter. i told them that i dont wanna live a lie anymore and if i want to smoke if front of everybody than thats want imma do and they dont understand that...well they are "trying" to understand...im learning that living in a web of lies only weighs people down, like i need to feel anymore heavy ugh! but anyways back to the arguement...shecter hates my friends and sometimes i feel like shecter wants all of me and doesnt want me to share memories with anybody but shecter . imma ex christian rite now and i have been drinking, smoking, and all that sinful indulgence jazz. i understand wat shecter is saying thet they dont want ppl taking about me but frankly i just dont give a fuck anymore. i may not pay my own bill (well duh im jobless) but i do take care of my bizz in every other aspect...can i live, can i breath, can i exhale get off of me...my intentions wasnt to bash my shecter on my 1st blog i love her soooo much (ily shecter) n i know they means no harm anyways everything is semi good now so moving on....im thinking of my new fall look im still not too sure on that yet, i need sum ideas but it seems like my brain is clutter with stress and restless thoughts. ugh! i need a fucking drink...dis is how i feel rite now even thought i write it in july
another sleep deprived nite, in which i can barely form thoughts
exhausted, with this massive headache i write in fustration
pain lays heavy in my heart, my chest gets tight, and my arteries are clogged with misery
something just isnt right i can feel it in my soul
i carry intolerable unsatisfaction and only i am to blame
why?,
because im affraid to move foward, afraid of what i become
afflicted with awful truths, feel like shaving my hair like brittney or erykah badu?
yea, sounds like im losing it or maybe i just need some sleep
fuck that, maybe i need you to come over here and do what you do to me
make me cum easily but afterward i feel so sleezy....my nezzy
i just wanna be happy but im convienced that happily ever after was a phrase made under false pretenses
7.24.08
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